The women’s soccer tournament at the Olympics is, essentially, snorting a miniature World Cup. You take the intensity of global competition, squish it from 32 teams down to 12, and play the whole thing over the course of just seventeen days. It’s gonna be a wild ride, so to help us all prepare, I’ve previewed it all.

Group B | Group C

We’ve been blessed with incredible teams stuffed into three incredible groups in a way that guarantees each game will be a must, and necessary, watch. Below I’ve dropped a quick look at the group overall, then identified two players from each team that I think will be vital to their team’s performance (with help from StatsBomb where relevant), plus ask a key question each team will have to answer.

Lovely, let’s Olympics.

group A at-a-glance

On a recent crossover episode the great Sylvs of Shea Butter FC called this group “the least deathy group of death” and it was perfect. Sorry New Zealand, I love and will always remember you, but every other team will be pointing to their matchup with you as the one to get three points and robust servings of goals for their differential.

One of the three groups is getting three teams to the knockout round, and unless the Football Ferns can repeat their magical performance against Norway at the World Cup, it will be this group. Their primary hurdle, though, is that France, Colombia or Canada are not as unserious as Norway.

whomsts to watch

Maëlle Lakrar

France’s longtime and stalwart center back Wendie Renard will have just turned 34 by the time the group stage begins. She’s still excellent, but succession planning must be done, and Maëlle Lakrar might be primed to fill her boots. Lakrar isn’t over 6’ like Renard, but is a modern style center back who’s comfortable on the ball and picking a pass.

Her skills earned her a summer move to Real Madrid, among a plethora of other established names. At just 24, a big performance in the Olympics could make her a household name, and place her alongside Naomi Girma and Jana Fernández as the best young center backs in the world.

M.A. Katoto

Katoto was the unfortunate victim of an ACL injury in the middle of the EUROs in 2022, and rehabbed for fifteen months before returning to the pitch. But when she came back, she came all the way back. In 29 appearances (25 starts) across d1 Arkema and the Champions League she dropped 18 goals and 7 assists. That’s the Katoto that I know.

This will be her first major international tournament since that injury, and she’s in the sort of form that will serve as an instant reminder of how dope she is.

key question
what have you learned?

France scored twelve goals in five games at the 2023 World Cup, but ten of those were against Panama and Jamaica. They were held to scoreless draws by Jamaica and Australia, who knocked them out in the quarterfinal round with some thunderous pens.

Finding success against teams that have near equal levels of talent needs to be this teams primary focus. Even after the World Cup they continued to be less than impressive in UEFA Nations League play. They eeked out 1-0 wins over Austria and Portugal, beat Norway 2-1 but were held 0-0 to the constant underachievers in their second matchup. France made it to the final with a 2-1 win over a Germany team in mid-renovation, and lost that final 2-0 to Spain. Deschampsian (derogatory).

These matches will be Hervé Renard’s last in charge, and that will either galvanize a deeply talented squad or have them looking forward to what’s next.

whomsts to watch

Mayra Ramírez

There were a few people who thought Chelsea’s dash to scoop up Ramírez was panicked and hopeful, but hah, lol, lmao. Several highlights later, including one of the most absurdly dominant first half performances ever against Manchester United, they know now that she’s an absolute menace at any level of competition. Truth be told, Ramírez was every bit as key to Colombia’s defeat of Germany as the 2023 World Cup as Linda Caicedo.

Colombia has yet to find a way to be as effective without Ramírez, and the relentless Olympic schedule might be tough for a player that struggled with nagging injuries just a couple months ago. If Colombia keep Ramírez fit and near her best, she can help them take the step from party crashers to serious threats to take home hardware.

Linda Caicedo

Linda Caicedo scored a goal so good that it replays in your mind every time you hear her name. Since that though, things have cooled off a bit. It’s not entirely her fault, she is still a teenager, and Real Madrid Femenino are not yet the machine they are on the men’s side.

Still, Caicedo’s talent is rare and it will be up to Colombia to make sure defenses pay for committing numbers to stop her. If they can, she could provide the rare brand of magic she displayed during the World Cup.

key question
can you take the next step?

This team proved it’s talented enough to go toe-to-toe, machine-for-machine with big European nations. Now that everyone knows this, it’s about performing with those expectations, and taking the next step toward a trophy (or medal). No reason why Colombia can’t claim one of the podium spots, they are that talented, and I would like to see it dot gif.

whomsts to watch

Simi Awujo

Awujo has felt like she’s on the cusp of a breakout moment for a couple years now but it hasn’t come. This tournament could provide a prime platform. Canada are unlikely to defend their way to another gold, as there will be more dangerous and more well-balanced teams in their way this time around.

Someone in Canada’s midfield must find ways to connect with the attack, and that’s where Awujo can play a big part. Jessie Fleming, Julia Grosso and Quinn all have different profiles, but none are the prolific or creative passers that Awujo can be. If Canada are to make an inspired run at defending their gold, she’ll have to be.

Vanessa Gilles

Alright so, I don’t mean to be a hater but something happens to Vanessa Gilles when she’s in Canada’s backline. For Lyon she’s strong and decisive, and even scores goals on occasion. But for Canada, things are less secure.

Some of it’s not even her fault, wicked deflections for own goals, but others are errors like poor tackles gifting penalties or wayward back passes. There’s likely too much attacking firepower for Canada to defend their way to another gold medal, but the backline still has to be secure if they are to have a chance. Lyon Gilles showing up is exactly what Canada will need.

key question
what else ya got?

I will never talk shit about Canada winning the gold because it was dope, and much needed to shine a light on their fed. But on performance it hurt my goal-craving heart. They didn’t score a single non-penalty goal in the knockout stage, and two of their three knockout round matches went to penalty kicks. Gareth Southgate would’ve loved it, but I felt chest pains.

Some might say that’s just tournament football, but I maintain that trying to score goals is good and that, major international tournament or not, they help you win. Every team from their 2021 run that they could see again is better, particularly in attack, and teams not in that competition will be bringing players like Marie-Antoinette Katoto, Mayra Ramírez and Linda Caicedo—in their group alone. Defense is unlikely to be enough this time around, what else do you have for me?

whomsts to watch

Milly Clegg

New Zealand’s chances of making it to the knockout round are around the size of a mosquitos eyelash, but if they are to give it a real shot they should rely on their young attacking talent rather than hoping their defense can hold firm. Finding ways to feature a player like Milly Clegg, whose talent and skills earned the 18-year-old a move to Rahsing Louisville, will be necessary if they are to pull any surprises.

She’s yet to play a minute in the NWSL, but is likely still adjusting to club football’s most physically demanding domestic league. With the Football Ferns she should get a decent chunk of minutes, and her unpredictability could help them sneak a goal or two that makes a favorite or two sweat.

Indiah-Paige Riley

Riley is another fun young player (22) that New Zealand should let loose at this tournament. After playing a few years in Denmark she returned home to play for Brisbane Roar in 22/23, then hopped back to Europe to play for PSV.

Last season she dropped seven goals in 19 games played (15 starts), which was her highest goal tally as a professional so far. If she’s taken that next step, she could be very dangerous in a team like New Zealand who will likely be reliant on good decisions in transition to threaten the opposition. Riley can do that.

key question
what ya up to after groups? hangin’ out?

I don’t mean to be mean, on account of being in the middle of a giant ocean several thousand miles from anyone but Australia, New Zealand have legitimate logistical challenges that other teams simply do not when it comes to team cohesion, playing friendlies, and establishing a playing style. In a tournament like this, that puts them at a disadvantage.

It’s not impossible for them to grab a surprise result, just ask Norway (ffs, Norway), but the cruel nature of the Olympic schedule will have each team in the group banking on three points and a handful of goals. My advice to New Zealand is to focus on making their post-group memories happy ones.

Trying to celebrate only giving up crucial goals after minute 70 when everyone is sore at a café doesn’t spark the same joy as ‘remember the time we scored in 12’ and made France sweat?’. Final score be damned, live there in that moment, and enjoy the food.

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