have you ever seen anything gackle harder

This bird is terrifying.

First of all, I have no idea who named this thing but they crushed it. This is a gackle. In fact, it’s a gackle ass gackle. Whatever it’s doing here is surely gackling. I want no parts of this gackle, and hope to never be gackled in this lifetime or the next.

Also, ok listen, I love science. I barely understand it, but I think it’s the best possible outlet to understanding, and protecting, our natural world. When science tells me something, I tend to believe it. Primarily because I am not a scientist, and if scientists say a thing is true then I am much too old to redirect my career and commit to a field of study just to see for myself. Having said all that, ‘birds are modern days dinosaurs’ is something I have always side-eyed.

I understand there may be genetic or structural similarities, but it’s always felt a bit like a white European calling themselves Black after 23andMe told them they were 3% Nigerian. Like, stop it. Actually, cut it out. But look at that damn bird. That thing is menacing. It’s not just the scale, it’s the posture and gaze. This thing was in Jurassic Park, all of them, even the new ones in which for some reason people keep going. Apologies, scientists. I should have believed you, and I am sorry it took this random and horrifying photo of a gackle to believe you.

Alright, let’s woso.

upcoming matches for your eyeballs

friday, june 13

The Dash really could have used the confidence boost from their hard work last week against Orlando resulting in something. Instead, they allowed a 99th minute match winner and now get to face the second highest scoring team in the league, San Diego Wavé. #NWSLAfterDark cannot be contained, predicted or controlled, but if any team could use its cosmic interference it would be Houston this week.

Gotham got Chesky’d against Kansas City last week but put in a good showing, only losing 2-1 courtesy of multiple questionable calls. They should have an easier time against Utah, who will be without their best passing midfielder, Ana Tejada, due to last weekend’s red card. Rose Lavelle returned to the pitch and, if she cam through the match and trainings ok, could see a bump in minutes this week.

I’ve become deeply annoyed at Bay FC because there’s a really solid team there, but they lack consistency—and very often clarity—on the pitch. The Pride, meanwhile, are still scrapping for answers within their style of play, which has led to some non-Pride’ish performances. But like most very good teams, they’re managing to still pick up points and results while they work their way through solutions to make them dominant once again.

saturday, june 14

Chicago’s insistence on possession, without the components to maximize that style of play, likely has Laura Harvey hittin the most devilish of Birdman hand rubs. Seattle can disrupt the midfields of very good teams (ask the Wavé), so expect some diabolical lessons to be learned.

Y’all wanna know something wild? Rahsing has won four of its last five games. Their only loss since the calendar turns to May was a 1-0 courtesy of Seattle. In this run they’ve beaten Gotham and Angel City. They seem to have figured something out, and their direct style of play, plus this newfound confidence, could make this a classic track meet matchup against Kansas City. Getting into a transition-fest with the team that has Temwa Chawinga might not seem ideal, but given their run, I won’t be the one to tell Loovull they might have too much dip on their chip.

The Courage tweaked a couple things against the Washington Spirit and with some better finishing could have easily joined the list of other teams that have come to Audi and shown off this season. There was a well-structured high press and some attacking variety in the form of long balls over the top to Cortnee Vine. If they build on the wrinkles they threw they could provide solid ways to counter Angel City’s extra zoominess.

sunday, june 15

The Spirit may have lost the xG battle last week against North Carolina, but they finished their chances well. While their goalscoring seemed repeatable, conceding that many chances from open play with an opponent only managing one goal from it does not. Portland are streaky, but when they’re on they can be menaces to cope with in the final third.

things to read…

heartwarming: after decade, national team finally calls up one of country’s best midfielders

On a random Tuesday in May of 2025, LaBonta was finally called up. Saturday, May 31st, she stepped onto the pitch to earn her first national team cap at 32-years-old. The narrative predictably became one of inspiration and never giving up on your dreams. While on the surface the puzzle fits, and makes it the easiest story to tell, the reality is more frustrating than inspiring. The whole ordeal reminded me of those horrific late-stag capitalism headlines like ‘HEARTWARMING: Students Host Bake Sale to Buy Bus Pass for Custodian Who Walks Seven Miles to Work’.

my bad: from peloton to potential rookie of the year

I insist on having fun. I was the kid constantly getting in trouble for laughing in the back of the classroom and cracking jokes under my breath so I wouldn’t be alone. This carries over into how I absorb, analyze and discuss sports. It’s why I call players menaces or hoopers and claim a thing they’ve done is an act of violence or something sinister, or diabolical. If I’m going to analyze the game, I’m going to have fun. Sometimes, though, in my quest to describe things I’m seeing with humor or something distinct, I get it wrong.

2025 nwsl week 11: xG race charts & g+ pass networks

The NWSL returned for week 11 after an international break and it seemed clear that several players missed the chaos. There’s just something about being lined up for kickoff of an NWSL game that makes every player tear off the knob of their chaos meter. As a result, we had a multitude of bangers across the games, a red card, a 99th minute match winner, and one of the most wicked tricks played by the xG gods that you’ll ever see.

more #content you might be into

Hey Spirits
The Haunting of North Carolina by the Orange Bow of Brittany Ratcliffe [Spirit v. Courage Match Review]
🍎 Apple | 🟢 Spotify

Annie, Ella & I discuss the Spirit’s 3-1 dub at Audi! We get into solving a high press, Croix’s defensive work, Ratcliffe’s very good day, and give our thoughts on the pre-match presser.

gif time

Someone said her grandma must’ve taught her this, which made me go ahead and spend the night in a casket.