The USWNT’s 3-0 win over Colombia in the quarterfinal round of the W Gold Cup was somehow peak Concacaf’ing, elite CONMEBOL’ing, and vintage USWNT’ing all at the same time. And at the center of it all, for a dazzling forty-five minutes, was Trinity Rodman.

Whether it was defending deep, attacking in the final third or offering constructive criticism amongst altercations, Rodman made sure she was everywhere she needed to be. As we can see in this completely real scientific chart below, which compiles hundreds of data points and whose methodology is so complex you wouldn’t understand but is award winning, Rodman achieved the incredibly rare combination of peak chaotic and peak good.

She did so by accomplishing the chaotic good hat trick, which I just made up and is now real because I said it is. Let’s review.

ran herself to E and beyond

As Germany and the rest of the entire world learned at the 2023 World Cup, Linda Caicedo is an elite winger who can and will wreck you. After being sauced by Mexico forwards María Sánchez and Jacqueline Ovalle in their final group stage match (eventually conceding the goal of the tournament to Mayra Pelayo), the USWNT defense was now up against the Colombian sensation.

Luckily for the Twila Kilgore and the U.S., they get to deploy Trinity Rodman, one of the best defensive forwards in football. Right back Emily Fox, defensive midfielder Sam Coffey, and forward Trinity Rodman were all responsible for keeping Caicedo quiet against Colombia. However, the other two weren’t also expected to contribute at the other end of the pitch as well.

Regular viewers of Trinity Rodman will note that her heat map is quite frequently just a literal side of the pitch set on actual fire. She does this regularly, and seemingly happily. It’s not uncommon to see Rodman make a tackle near her own team’s box, then bust her ass in a full sprint to be an option in attack once possession is secured.

Against Colombia, she did this approximately one-hundred million times in just forty-five minutes. In fact, she had ran herself so close to empty that around the half hour mark she sat on the pitch for treatment with what appeared to be cramping, and probably also a breather.

The result was Caicedo having just one dangerous shot. While it was exactly the type of shot they’d worked hard to prevent, it only came due to Fox’s hesitation to step to Caicedo as Rodman tracked a wide runner. Alyssa Naeher turned back the clock to keep the shot out, and it never happened again.

This tireless, selfless amount of running is just part of the package with Trinity Rodman, and we should never take it for granted. She wants the ball, and will do what she can to hunt it down and win it back, even if it means emptying her lungs in just 45-minutes.

back tf up

Rodman running herself up and down the pitch meant that she was never too far from a skirmish to get involved. Lucky us tbh. She was absolutely on one all first half and it was glorious. Each skirmish brought a new GIF that immediately entered the pantheon of woso GIFs.

First, in the 10th minute Alex Morgan was barged into by Jorelyn Carabalí in the box and a clear penalty was awarded. Except, Colombia wouldn’t leave the box – for minutes. The referee seemed overwhelmed and/or forgot that this kind of shithousery is what her cards are for, so Trinity Rodman stepped in to assist.

Finally, in the 13th minute, Lindsey Horan converted the penalty to put the U.S. up 1-0. Rodman, however, was just getting started.

Later, she was in possession and attempted to dribble by Daniela Arias, who did well to use her body to shield her from the ball as it rolled out of play and for a Colombia throw-in. In the process, she also attempted to get under Rodman’s skin by maintaining lingering contact and limbs got tangled.

Rodman didn't appreciate this too much, and offered a solution to their quarrel.

In another instance Linda Caicedo attempted to intervene in a conversation Rodman was having with the referee, to which Rodman offered similar advice.

When Epcot Alex Morgan squared up, it was Rodman who stepped in to create a barrier and usher half the Colombia squad away.

I’m not sure why Colombia thought the lesson from Mexico’s performance versus the USWNT was to assume mental fragility, and that attempts to shove, bother and shithouse would throw the U.S. off their game. It didn’t, and instead seemed to throw Colombia off, which was ultimately a shame since they have the talent to perform against the U.S. playing straight up.

Just because the team has been struggling to replicate or maintain success over the years doesn’t mean its overall xDawg has taken a hit. The issues have been more from the top, the players themselves are still hyper-competitive chaos enjoyers, especially among their younger stars.

Don’t let the TikToks fool you, given the pressure and personalities involved, the xDawg has likely increased.

she balled out

In order to complete her forty-five minute hat trick of chaotic good, there was only one thing left to do: ball tf out. Rodman obliged by pulling out this slick ass nutmeg to let Colombia know she wouldn’t only be a problem when it was time to squabble.

Then, with the seconds ticking down in first half stoppage time and Rodman likely knowing she would be replaced at halftime, she entered clutch mode.

Emily Fox won the ball in midfield and Rodman, who was narrow, started peeling wide to create a lane for a pass. Alex Morgan was the forward closest to her when she received the ball, but was being impeded by a center back. So instead Rodman aimed for the forward on the far side, Jaedyn Shaw, who knew exactly what to do.

The two baby goats connected, and the USWNT secured a 3-0 lead against Colombia at halftime, which went on to become the final score.

Overall, engaging in this much chaos can be risky, and the wrong response at the wrong time can easily shift things from chaotic good to chaotic evil. Rodman came close a couple times. After receiving a yellow card in the 20th minute, another would have sent her to the locker room early and put the USWNT down to ten players. After all, it very much seemed part of Colombia’s plan to gain such an advantage.

While it felt reasonable to think that this ref in particular – who consistently ignored dangerous play, refusing to deliver a card or even whistle for fouls – was unlikely to show that second yellow, it was still a risk. And we’ve all seen unfair sending offs in out of control games before.

But the USWNT needed this energy from Rodman. A response to the Mexico game was a must, and against Colombia they not only had to show an improved gameplan, but determination, fight, and skill. Rodman delivered all three to the maximum of her unique and chaotically good abilities.