nwsl schedule release vids, ranked (kinda)

Despite the NWSL trying to make ‘schedule footprint’ day a thing, the real show is the actual gosh darned schedule. It means woso fans can start planning, starts the clock on Meg Linehan’s 10’ish months of freedom, and is an opportunity for clubs’ social media teams to shine. This year several stepped up to create a range of content that was fun, unique, and/or well-executed.

In spite of my insistence that rankings aren’t my thing, I’m going to rank some of the schedule release videos. The bulk were in the ‘heh-to-slight chuckle’ range, which is job done if that’s a consensus among thousands. But a few stood out and stuck with me longer, all for very good and admirable reasons − except one. So here they are, my ranking of NWSL schedule release videos, from #9,417 to 1.

#9,417 - SponCon
Angel City FC

This club simply refuses to beat the Lifestyle Brand FC charges. I get this is sort of the way of the world, especially in sports, but when you’re the same club with corner kicks presented by Cedars Sinai and goals presented by crypto dot com, an entirely #sponcon schedule release vid hits different. And by different I mean a thousand eye rolls.

The production is well done, which is tempting to admire, but when’s the last time you saw an unpolished non-local commercial? Yeah. There is some cleverness in a few products selected to represent cities, but there are also a few reaches and a couple huhs. I don’t want to put this all on the social team, they did the best with the directive they were given, I just need Angel City’s higher ups to realize that this is a soccer team, not a NASCAR car or Herbalife.

#5 - Cori & Summer
Orlando Pride

This one gets love because despite Orlando being an ultra loaded team full of familiar (or now-familiar) faces, I appreciate featuring Cori Dyke and Summer Yates, two unsung but extremely important pieces to the club’s historic turnaround. Now obviously, this one is very ‘athletes acting’ but that can be endearing in some instances, and this is one of them.

The Pride’s social team also helped them out with good production which led to some fun complementary easter eggs. My favorite is when they toss the Michael Jordan jersey and say they have the real GOAT (Marta, obvs), audio from one of my favorite social clips plays in the background, adding humor and enhancing the whole thing. My only gripe is that they got to just five teams, which I could forgive if it was the five just below them on the table, but they previewed matchups against Chicago (8th) and Houston (14th). Though that’s sort of made up for by the dual trophy flex, which I absolutely must respect.

orlpride

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#4 - Bats on the Street
Gotham FC

A few teams did some ‘Billy on the street’ style videos, and the key to those is a super charismatic and funny host (“NAME A WOMAN”) and/or funny people. While I loved the prelude to Portland’s video, which featured the recently retired Christine Sinclair and Becky Sauerbrunn, the people let it down.

Here, the people were hilarious. I also enjoyed going back to the same few people because their guesses would get more and more ridiculous. They were cracking themselves up and seeing people laugh at themselves being a little silly is an infectious thing. Mr. Kentucky Fried Chicken was very proud of himself, and I loved that for him.

gothamfc

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#3 - Now That’s What I Call Spirit!
Washington Spirit

I am of the age where if you punch me in the face with 90s nostalgia I will shed a a tear and jut my chin out for more. From that vantage point, this was so perfectly done. Everything from the video distortion to the ‘there’s no way you’re this excited for a compilation CD of ovreplayed songs’ voice, the Spirit team nailed it.

Also, the barb at Gotham fans going home sad is how you spark a rivalry and keep it going, and the NWSL certainly could use a real rivalry outside of Cascadia. Later in the week the Spirit team dropped a series of images that mimic a CD booklet, with each month’s games as its own panel. The ex-graphic designer in me shed yet another tear.

#2 - RAGE
NC Courage

Some may feel this is too high and for those that do, I understand. But before you feel validated in your assessment I want you to imagine something. Given /flails arms about wildly gesturing at everything I want you to consider what it would be like to be inside a giant plush, goofy-faced mascot costume, then walking into a room and breaking a bunch of shit using a crowbar, hockey stick, baseball bat, or your giant fluffy paws. Exactly, I win.

They also get extra bonus points for finding a stock track with an intro similar Beastie Boys’ ‘Sabotage’ before switching to a Slayer-esque riff.

#1 - Lady Whistledown
Utah Royals

This one wins for several reasons. First, I don’t watch Bridgerton but knew exactly what the video was parodying thanks to expert level leaning in and attention to detail. Second, Mandy McGlynn absolutely nails it. It’s not theater-level accent work, but a posh English accent is hard to do without veering heavily into stereotypical words like ‘cheerio’ and ‘jolly good’. It’s also a very brave thing to do. The limited accents I can only sorta pull off can only be kept together for a word or two, maybe a handful of phrases. Doing a three-minute video would have taken me until next year’s schedule release.

Then, it was the details. The settings, etiquette and opulence are delightful and very well done. Boiled down it’s just the same pair of hands doing the same thing over and over, but the elegance plus well-executed slight British shade voiceover work makes it engaging to watch. Then Houston Dash come up and the hands reveal a small crystal cowboy boot and that’s when I lost it, and when it secured the #1 spot.